Thursday, May 21, 2009

Losing My Marbles (apparently)

Am I crazy? Did I hit my head? Am I depressed or emotionally unstable? Apparently everyone in the physical therapy department at Pitt thinks so....

While meeting with not one but TWO the faculty members this week, I was questioned about whether "my head" was ok. I'm still struggling to figure out what that means exactly? Do they think I have brain damage because of my whopping 2.8 GPA? I mean is that really off the charts??? Since when does getting C in class equate to a traumatic brain injury? 

Yeah maybe I did bounce my head off the ice a few times when I fell in Park City. At the time however, I was definitely not concerned as my leg was practically ripped from my pelvis. 

All this attention to my head has caught me a little off guard to say the least. One faculty member even had the nerve to suggest I see someone to examine my noggin for red flags. Hello??? When did I become crazy? 

Looking back, yes I was super depressed. More depressed than I've ever been before... After the accident I lost my health and well being, lost my ability to race, and pretty much sucked at school. Who wouldn't be depressed? You would be CRAZY not to be depressed. 

In the grand scheme of things, I went through the logical stages of healing: denial, anger, depression, and then dealing with it. With the intensity of my last semester, I didn't have much time to be apathetic. I had to overcome quickly or I probably would have failed out. Did I miss something along the way? I don't think so. Maybe I would rather have them think I suffered a brain injury than think I'm stupid? Either way, I'm starting to question my sanity. 

Honestly though...when somebody who truly "knows me" tells me I have a problem then maybe I will get help. Until then I'm KRAZY Heidi!


  1. Krazy Heidi. I like that. I'll just call you KH for short. Ha. We are all a little crazy at times. Just because you went through some rough stuff and didn't have much time to adjust to all of it, well, that's understandable and in fact its normal! You did your best and STILL made it through school - thats a small miracle if you ask me! I think you're fine and you shouldn't worry too much about it. And, like i said, we are ALL a bit crazy.

  2. That's tough - I'm sorry about that. It's not very fair when people pass judgment on you, without getting a view of the entire picture. School is only one portion of who you are...and even though the faculty and teachers have your best interest at heart - they just don't have a complete idea of what's going on. I'm really sorry about this! Hang in there - I think you're doing GREAT!

    How's the recovery and recovery PT coming along? I saw your swimming pictures (yea!!!) - any reports on the biking front?

  3. thanks girls! PT is going well. I'm doing a lot of upper body lifting and core strengthening. No real biking yet. My final xrays are on Thursday....Hopefully I at least get the ok to bike :)